No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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