Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
