I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
