New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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