It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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