thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
