After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
