You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
