Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
