Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
