you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
