the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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