When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
