had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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