What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
