If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
