I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
