We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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