my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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