Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
