dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
