I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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