I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
