I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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