Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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