You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
