So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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