In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
