ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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