we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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