Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
