she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
