and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize