waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
