he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
