is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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