i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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