You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
