Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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