dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My balls are so social today.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize