He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think my mom watched the whole time
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
