I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
