hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
