You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
