you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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