I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
