Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I intend to get homeless drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize