I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
