TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
