ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
