Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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