where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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