oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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