Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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