and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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