Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
