im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
