I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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