Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i came on her dog
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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