you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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