I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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