If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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