My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
