Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
