Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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