There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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