I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
