well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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