Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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