trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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