She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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