I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
