so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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