I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
