cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
