he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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