I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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