1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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