Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
