my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and she was petting her beer can
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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