we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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