she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
