My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
