Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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