Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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