tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
