I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
