the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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